at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
