You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
