Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
