my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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