I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
