every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Come share oat with me in your robe
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
