...so i touched it.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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