I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
