I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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