Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
