I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
