Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
