There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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