So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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