3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
