I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
