I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
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...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
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I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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