i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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