I'm drive I can fine osifer
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
