well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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