Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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