those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
