I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
