I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
