the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
