Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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