hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
