In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
