you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize