You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
