Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
