Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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