Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
