therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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