grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
