Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
