I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
