i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.