I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."