I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
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Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.