I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now