He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
