So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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