true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just want nice things and good sex
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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