the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize