Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
