im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
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I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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