I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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