This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
