U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
