after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
