I got chris browned last night
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
