saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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