God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.