I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea