So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.