Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants