is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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