Porn is love you can see.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes