I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
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Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"