My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize