i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize