I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
