you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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