If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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